The Asian Welder

this is “me”, the name given to me, “Hazel”. i am not unique, i am impermanent and because of the countless kind beings in my world i have experienced love, compassion and joy…and with this i have experienced their opponents. in all my fragmented writings on self, happiness, impermanence and this life i call samsara, Buddha is correct…life is suffering, varying degrees and snippets of pleasure and happiness but never lasting only temporary.

this was taken last night…2 days after i found out i have stage T4 cancer.  a prognosis where only 15% are cured. seems odd as i sat there with the gentle wind blowing, misters cooling the air and my life mate before me that i was sitting there dying. yes, we’re all dying everyday, but my clock suddenly has been catapulted to a faster pace, a pace which estimates that at the most statistics say five more years if the chemo works.  i have chosen to first go against the “standard of care” here in the country because they wanted to wheel me in the hospital that afternoon and put me on aggressive chemo and radiation for six months and then surgery and then more treatments of chemo!?  initially i wasn’t even scheduled for a visit to any doc until mid july, it was the power of my mate being in the field of medicine that snuck me in quicker than most people (whom suffer no less than i).  i am grateful for his attentive love and support and urgency to the matter, truth is if it weren’t for a little intestinal issues i felt fine.  just this morning i was at the bakery and the girls know my mother and i because we frequent it on a weekly basis, both gals today made comments at how “healthy” i looked and how beautiful my face…what a smile in my heart that produced, tho bittersweet.

with all the tools i’ve gained from my teachings in Dharma i am still an ordinary human with many emotions coming and going in waves.  i pray for peace of mind…i pray for others whom suffer…

so a new journey has begun for me and i would like to document it on occasion with images.  they will be random and not daily but hopefully thought provoking. funny, i don’t even know whom reads this blog with the exception of a few loyal friends…i suppose blogs really are meant for “self”, a way to expand our dialogue, to vent, to hear ourself through the words we read…and yet i hope it touches someone out there in space and time and moves them to change or at the very least stop for one moment and reflect on their life. have you been kind to others? when was the last time you gave of yourself? if you’ve never thought you might die today what if?

2009 bronze and stainless steel 4′ X 12′ X 4′

originally this sculpture was ALL about “suffering” and the Buddhist beliefs based on their four truths. knowing “true suffering” which is the physical/mental pains we incur in this life. abandoning “true origins” which is the self-grasping ignorance, attachments in/of this life, hatred, jealousy, self-cherishing…all which are the creations of our own sufferings. knowing “true cessation” which is the cause to end our suffering by way of enlightenment, and following “true paths” which is not an exterior path but an inner path one is devoted to enlightenment for the sake of all living beings. this is/was the original concept for this piece however after the dismantling and reworking of its structural integrity and my contentment with the new patina i came upon this picture of a tibetan symbol which propelled me into rethinking this original work! the symbol is based on a tantric practice from an old lineage of teachings and is very rare and precious if one has the capacity and direct teachings to train under. upon viewing this tantric symbol it suddenly dawned upon me that the exact shapes were within my “Four Noble Truths”!  i had always felt there was something missing in this piece but i could never put my finger on it…until i saw the symbol again. the Dharmas of sutra and tantra were being integrated within this sculpture! how incredibly profound and what a revelation! one i cannot begin to understand, but it validates that creations of minds come from places out of our control.

http://www.theasianwelder.com/category/the-four-noble-truths/ link to the beginning of stories…

the base of Four Noble Truths with all bronze sides welded.  the top portion with the moon and circle (sun) sit on my table.

here i am inside the base cutting apart some of the frame work to allow for new stainless tubing to go through the top and weld to a stainless steel base that will measure exactly one foot beyond the sculpture base.

still much to do; cut/cope/weld stainless tubing cross section, attach to bottom of moon and weld, weld base of stainless tubing to final platform stainless base, attach stainless base to sculpture base and weld, sand old patina off and apply new patina. clean, wax and new pictures of completed piece!

this is my maquette for the “four noble truths”. it stands approx. nine inches high. initially it was for a public art commission here in tucson, however the project fell thru for many reasons, mainly political but also budget cuts. it was suppose to have solar powered lighting, which i had chosen neon as the lighting source. one tube of white light would wrap inside the top circle to emit a very white light, and inside the base i was going to use red neon because of it’s relation to chakra one, being the base element and because humanity on a whole begins with a foundation. i have been waiting to build this for three years now! coming out of my two year hiatus i decided it was time to just take this beauty on myself and let the “suffering” bear full weight upon me.

my Buddhist beliefs obviously had a lot of influence in this piece. i wanted to build something where people from all walks of life would come upon it and reflect or contemplate it’s purpose. i chose to have the titles of each panel done in japanese text because of its beauty and also because not many people here can read it, i like people to come to their own understanding. the neon lighting was bagged because i did not have a specific site or patron when i started so i didn’t want to worry about electrical wiring and outlets of source. instead of light emitting from the base i chose to go with smaller panels of steel to be painted green to accentuate the calligraphy, if i had gone with red the calligraphy would have gotten lost inside the patina. bronze was my first choice of metal because it exudes warmth  and living outside will become better with age, unlike carbon steel which just rusts here no matter how many times you seal it!  my other choice of metal was stainless because of its high sheen and stated elegance. the two metals can be welded together using fill rods of silicone bronze. stainless for some reason always reminds me of the ethereal, of open space, emptiness and also reminds me of chanting prayers to Buddha Manjushri, the supreme “stainless” wisdom.  the base is dark almost black(progression) as we ascend towards the sheen of stainless(energy) and rise to the moon(universe) and sentient beings(circle). for some it may reflect a stupa while others may just see geometric angles and shapes. my hopes are that it triggers a question within the viewer. is this presence enough?

in my last post i mentioned explaining “maquette trickery”, because i cut apart the sculpture to redo the integrity of the frame inside. well, sometimes my mind is not so smart! the scale of the piece translated fine however the top portion, the moon and circle, were heavier than i estimated.  the weld from the base of the moon to the top of the tubing was an obvious stress fracture waiting to happen! if it wanted to live and stand up to the forces of nature i had to rebuild the frame to go thru to the top! ssswwweeeeet!  bring on the suffering.

1.  True sufferings

2.  True origins

3.  True cessations

4.  True paths

24″ X 50″ X 144″  (stainless base to be 48″ square X 1/4″ in progress)

“the four noble truths”  was fabricated in bronze sheets, stainless steel and carbon steel as frame work. to view here it seems finished enough…wrong!  i barely had time to finish all the tac welds before the show (march21st), the patina was hurried and therefore inconsistent with my expectations. i had wanted a solid blackish patina, not the blotchy spotty mess i ended with. my fault because i truly had way too much on my plate!  with seven new pieces, new warehouse, new gallery, new salon, collaborative mediums through out the space and an opening after a two years hiatus…suffering was my middle name.

the carbon steel flat sheets were taken to a local powder coater here in tucson, north american powder coating. mark the owner is a wonderful guy from ohio! he loves heat man thats all i can say! he chose to move to the desert buy a business that requires excessive heat to melt/cure the paints onto metal in these huge ovens. tho, i guess i’m not to different in this “heat” arena! i actually shaved my head about five years ago due to a major meltdown in august. it was just one of those days where my hood would not stay, because of the heat it wanted to slide down my head,  every weld it knocked on my clavicle and therefore i couldn’t see a damn thing! drips were running down the backs of my legs, pits wreaked…you get the picture. i dashed off to the nearest pharmacy and bought some hair clippers! made sense at the time, right? within minutes my world seemed so much freer, lighter, cooler…scary!  i had shaved the back of my head like a road map. i kid you not…by the time the whole head was shaved all i heard from my daughters was how spiritual i looked? needless to say my head shape is not one where it accentuates my positives. ok back to metal.., he first sand blasts the metal to get all oils/dirt off. then the powder (paint) is put on and baked. after the powder coating, which generally is less than a week, i attached the finished green panels to the framework, just under the bronze panels by pop rivets.(in the eastern beliefs of chakras, i connected with the heart chakra, which is green and is the fourth chakra.  it symbolizes the obvious, but it is also about letting go,to let go of attachments within this life, a major source of suffering.)

the bronze sheets came all the way from seattle! i had them shipped directly to a metal shop that laser cut the japanese caligraphy of the stated truths in Buddhism. initially i had thought about cutting them myself with my plasma cutter however bronze is a very soft metal due to its high percentage of copper in it, when heat hits it it spreads out quickly whereas with stainless it stays very hot, more centralized.  had i cut them the metal would have warped and the edges would be far too rough a finish for this refined piece. with a computerized laser the cut is made utilizing water as a source to keep the metal cool. after the bronze panels were tac welded to the frame i started welding the moon together. first the stainless was rolled and cleaned and then my favorite part, the long welds. this leads me into another post…i must show you in close-up the stage where the metal butts (ready for welding), the finished weld and then the clean-up of sanding it, how all three stages look.  check back for the pictures of welds from start to finish! but first let me finish my thoughts thus far…the moon is a symbol for many countries and civilizations so without getting to heavy into it it was the feminine quality that resonated into this piece. it is also why i picked the cross section holding the moon.  if you take another look back you’ll notice it closely resembles the symbol for alchemy!  i transformed it into my own symbol..that of a human resting upon the moon. tho as a Buddhist i also see a conceptual tantric symbol.

next post will include pictures of welds and the dismantling of the sculpture and the story behind it (maquette trickery). i will also post later the actual cost sheet to fabricate this and some other little anectdotes to the process…stay tuned and please comment if there are questions….or not.