the lights are bright overhead in the oncology clinic. there must be 20+ stations for patients, with only a few extra small sitting chairs for visitors or partners…which i found rather inconsiderate, however what do i know. my post today is about our 5 sense awarenesses /or our sense powers and how unique it is to each individual. we all have different capacities just as in our mental capacities to understand or cognize.
i felt rather naive embarking on this journey into modern medicine/science even with consulting with my docs and family and friends whom have been thru it…there is nothing that correlates to real experience. we can share stories but ultimately my awareness’s and truths in my mind may and most likely will be different than what you experience and so will your perspective and story to tell.
like i said i am just beginning this path and for some reason i thought the clinic aspect would be piped in with waterfalls, ocean waves, birds happily chirping…NOT. the view would be dimly lit for meditating or reading nooks….NOT. the taste in my mouth at first entry is medicinal, they flush my port with a blood thinner and then anti nausea medication, after that my mouth tends to dry out.
one of the drugs has a definate side effect to temperatures…thus the AC running felt like siberia! hanks sits with me at my side in one of the few visitor chairs and is always at the ready! like yesterday before getting my portable pump device removed i realized the bowels were going to bust (again) so i headed with bag in tow to the bathroom to find it locked!!! my stomach at that moment flipped and decided to exit the other way, praticing “mindfulness” choosing a direction with less people to witness this so as not to make all 20 of us barfing i found a waste basket, signaled to hank my demise and he was there with a cold washcloth before the second dry heave!!
teehee…hank was determined to get my chuckle on! this is a deceptive image(would’ve liked to have been crying), granted temporary happiness is always nice but this round made the warrior feel the battle!
Folfox + Avastin
Day 1 4-5 hours IV infusion
Days 2 & 3 pump (48 hrs)
Every 2 weeks for 12 treatments (6 months)
Reassess @ 3 months
thanks kassie for your tip on the fluids…saved my arse…! and thanks to mersadies for “my fighting mantras”!
one perk: mosquitos must have a unique sense of smell? they swirl around me and land but never have they bit me while on chemo!!
update: heading back to the oncology clinic…better be safe rather than sorry for the weekend approaches…getting another bag of fluids and anti-diarrheal meds IV!! little difficult to be hydrating if ya know what i mean, especially with a much shortened large intestine and half a rectum, sorry for the visual guys but eh, it’s samsara!