truth

this is “me”, the name given to me, “Hazel”. i am not unique, i am impermanent and because of the countless kind beings in my world i have experienced love, compassion and joy…and with this i have experienced their opponents. in all my fragmented writings on self, happiness, impermanence and this life i call samsara, Buddha is correct…life is suffering, varying degrees and snippets of pleasure and happiness but never lasting only temporary.

this was taken last night…2 days after i found out i have stage T4 cancer.  a prognosis where only 15% are cured. seems odd as i sat there with the gentle wind blowing, misters cooling the air and my life mate before me that i was sitting there dying. yes, we’re all dying everyday, but my clock suddenly has been catapulted to a faster pace, a pace which estimates that at the most statistics say five more years if the chemo works.  i have chosen to first go against the “standard of care” here in the country because they wanted to wheel me in the hospital that afternoon and put me on aggressive chemo and radiation for six months and then surgery and then more treatments of chemo!?  initially i wasn’t even scheduled for a visit to any doc until mid july, it was the power of my mate being in the field of medicine that snuck me in quicker than most people (whom suffer no less than i).  i am grateful for his attentive love and support and urgency to the matter, truth is if it weren’t for a little intestinal issues i felt fine.  just this morning i was at the bakery and the girls know my mother and i because we frequent it on a weekly basis, both gals today made comments at how “healthy” i looked and how beautiful my face…what a smile in my heart that produced, tho bittersweet.

with all the tools i’ve gained from my teachings in Dharma i am still an ordinary human with many emotions coming and going in waves.  i pray for peace of mind…i pray for others whom suffer…

so a new journey has begun for me and i would like to document it on occasion with images.  they will be random and not daily but hopefully thought provoking. funny, i don’t even know whom reads this blog with the exception of a few loyal friends…i suppose blogs really are meant for “self”, a way to expand our dialogue, to vent, to hear ourself through the words we read…and yet i hope it touches someone out there in space and time and moves them to change or at the very least stop for one moment and reflect on their life. have you been kind to others? when was the last time you gave of yourself? if you’ve never thought you might die today what if?


14 Responses to “truth”

  • Kendra Says:

    You have courage and peace in your eyes. I am thinking of you and all those who are facing these challenges.
    This time last year I was with my mother who was going for a hysterectomy due to uterine cancer. The people around you become so much more important. It is suddenly a new fresh time for hugs and words of value. Peace.

  • Aimee Lewis-Balog Says:

    Sean & I made malas at the Clear Light Center yesterday. Never having a mala before I looked up how to chant certain mantras online which lead me to Wild Mind and now here, to your website, Hazel. We met you briefly at the Mountain Retreat last month and now we have been led through this crazy, unlikely route to find you again. What an amazing karmic lesson. With all our heart Sean & I pray for your recovery and healing. We have and will continue to practice Giving & Taking meditations several times a week for you.

  • Chris Arts Says:

    Hazel – I only know you through the internet, but what appears so brightly through the computer screen is the kindness and generosity you reflect on everything you do. Your art and outlook on life has been inspirational to me. You are in my thoughts. Your family, friends and fans are all with you. Peace.

  • Deb Richards Says:

    I love you, sister on the path of life, journey of the soul.
    XOXO

  • Diana Yakowitz Says:

    Your words are life changing and Having the TRUTH out there may go a long way in saving someone else too. I will continue my chant to the forces that be-
    I love you, Hazel
    I love you, Hazel
    I love you, Hazel
    .
    .
    .

  • Bill Bowdish Says:

    Hello Hazel,

    This is “bow_photo” from Flickr and I just wanted to say that your blog post really moved me. You are an amazingly talented artist, photographer and evidently writer – you sound so strong although I’m sure your emotions change by the minute. I am so sorry to hear about your illness and I wish you the very best on the road forward. My mom just had her second ‘agressive’ chemo treatment out of six and I have to say that it breaks my heart to talk to her afterwards – it is just such a brutal medical treatment. Whatever path you take, I’m sure that you will do it with dignity…you just seem like an amazing person to me eventhough we have never met, I will keep you in my heart.

    Please take care,

    Bill

  • Baby-T Says:

    I love you with all my heart! You have changed my life in so many ways, and I thank you for that. I cant wait to see you when I get back. Im sending you all my love and energy. Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I know everything will go well this week, and would love to talk to you when you get the chance. Peace be with you mama!

    xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxox
    Baby-T

  • Gbramlett Says:

    Aunt Hazel,

    I love you and you are a beautiful person inside and out and I will be thinking of you often and keeping you in my thoughts always!!! Let me know if there is anything I can do I am right down the street!!!

    Love Always,

    Your Niece Glynis

  • Chuck Henschel Says:

    Hazel,
    We love you and all of the good vibes you exude. You are an amazing lady and you have instilled your wonderful outlook on life to everyone in your sphere. Know, that we are all supporting you and sending our love to you as you confront and overcome this challenge. All the best to you! Love, hugs and kisses… Chuck, Diana and all of the Henschel family

  • Klaus Kommoss Says:

    Dear Hazel, it breaks my heart to see your picture.
    Yes, as you said yourself, there are more people than you think who are touched, moved, and changed by your words, by being allowed to witness the fateful changes in your life. Most people have a hard time to respond. And maybe that is not even so important. I can tell you that I think of you all the time. There is not much I can say directly, in fact the profundity of what is happening to you is really the helplessness, the fact that there is not much one can do. It is a powerful message: “Hey, wake up, this can happen to you too, and sooner or later it will.” It is a profound act of love to offer this kind of sharing. Perhaps you may not get so much back, but don’t underestimate what you are giving. I wish I could help you; be assured, you are helping me and others more than you can imagine.

  • Cynthia Reber Says:

    What a beautiful writer you are! A woman of many talents. We are thinking of you and sending all our positive energy your way.

    Much Love, Cynthia and Sam

  • Belinda Says:

    We don’t really ‘know’ each other, but I have followed your work on flickr, and have always been impressed with your calm and wise and beautiful outlook. Even moreso now. My thoughts are with you, and I will follow you on this journey as you choose to share it, and send power and healing your way.

  • deborah lattimore Says:

    My friend Belinda sent me your link. Words fail me. I’m a stranger, but have been on a similar path and documented my experiences and have asked myself those questions you pose with a new urgency and yet also with a fatalistic peace. I still do, and come up with different answers as I experience this new connection to my body/shell. I am reading your words and feel very touched by your writing. xoxo

  • Adele Tate Says:

    Hello dear Hazel,
    I’m new to blog but your blog is amazing. I send you my prayers, love and tears my dear friend and companion. I so look forward to our journey together to England and pray for your strength of body, speech and mind. Love always, Adele

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