Jun 4 2011

truth

this is “me”, the name given to me, “Hazel”. i am not unique, i am impermanent and because of the countless kind beings in my world i have experienced love, compassion and joy…and with this i have experienced their opponents. in all my fragmented writings on self, happiness, impermanence and this life i call samsara, Buddha is correct…life is suffering, varying degrees and snippets of pleasure and happiness but never lasting only temporary.

this was taken last night…2 days after i found out i have stage T4 cancer.  a prognosis where only 15% are cured. seems odd as i sat there with the gentle wind blowing, misters cooling the air and my life mate before me that i was sitting there dying. yes, we’re all dying everyday, but my clock suddenly has been catapulted to a faster pace, a pace which estimates that at the most statistics say five more years if the chemo works.  i have chosen to first go against the “standard of care” here in the country because they wanted to wheel me in the hospital that afternoon and put me on aggressive chemo and radiation for six months and then surgery and then more treatments of chemo!?  initially i wasn’t even scheduled for a visit to any doc until mid july, it was the power of my mate being in the field of medicine that snuck me in quicker than most people (whom suffer no less than i).  i am grateful for his attentive love and support and urgency to the matter, truth is if it weren’t for a little intestinal issues i felt fine.  just this morning i was at the bakery and the girls know my mother and i because we frequent it on a weekly basis, both gals today made comments at how “healthy” i looked and how beautiful my face…what a smile in my heart that produced, tho bittersweet.

with all the tools i’ve gained from my teachings in Dharma i am still an ordinary human with many emotions coming and going in waves.  i pray for peace of mind…i pray for others whom suffer…

so a new journey has begun for me and i would like to document it on occasion with images.  they will be random and not daily but hopefully thought provoking. funny, i don’t even know whom reads this blog with the exception of a few loyal friends…i suppose blogs really are meant for “self”, a way to expand our dialogue, to vent, to hear ourself through the words we read…and yet i hope it touches someone out there in space and time and moves them to change or at the very least stop for one moment and reflect on their life. have you been kind to others? when was the last time you gave of yourself? if you’ve never thought you might die today what if?